1. Most people are so ungrateful to be alive.
  2. Every possible angle has being pre-thought out plan.
  3. To overcome something you have to understand…. This is how you fight disease.
  4. How much blood will you shed to stay alive?
  5. –It’s amazing he got this far as he did—
  6. “Jigsaw Killer- technically speaking he’s not really a murderer. He never kills anyone. He finds way for victim to kill himself.”
  7. Don’t cry. I give your life a purpose. You are test subject for something greater than yourself.
  8. How could you walk your life pretending to be happy? That’s totally bullshit. I rather you break down and tell me–
  9. Yes, I am sick…sick of the disease that abhor –inside. Sick of the people who do not appreciate their blessing, sick of those who scuffles the sovereign of honest …sick of all.
  10. There are rules.

SAW-Blood drive “Give’Til It Hurts”


Every year, Lionsgate gets the blood pumping for its new SAW film with the SAW “Give ‘Til It Hurts” blood drive, benefiting the Red Cross.  As part of that tradition, the studio produces an ad campaign starring the SAW nurse, a sexy sister of dubious mercy who wants your blood.

*Photos courtesy of Lionsgate

I’m toxic!

Do you have friend? Of course you do. Yes, we have lots of friend around us. Good friend, best friend, childhood friend, seasonal friend, nominal friend, friend with benefit…etc. Whatever you called it. But do really like them? Do you trust them?

I always believe in any relationships between two individual required trust and respect. They are fundamental. Of course, there are other aspects like interest, hobbies …etc.  We want to have company, to feel sense of belonging. We become friend for various reasons… but hardly one unconditional. Unfortunately there are so called friends who we decide to call ‘jerk’ because they are hazardous. A friendship is mutual and reciprocal. It has to be balance for it to be healthy. Friendship is that kind of relationship that seep into our life, career, family …it hits a great impact.

Firstly, to clarify my position, I’m not an expert of psychology, sociology–or anything on that line of profession. Exactly, I’m a victim of a toxic friendship. I’m not sure if I can view myself a survivor but certainly I’m in reflection-mode now.

Whatever I discussed here is purely based on my personal experience and nothing to do with personal attack on any particular person. I put forwards my apology for anyone felt offended by my words. Truth can be cruel if to be heard.

I see a friendship turned toxic when it is unequal, demanding, unreliable, and stressful-physically and mentally.

“The phrase ‘toxic friend’ is pop psychology. I would say it’s someone who, after spending time with them, makes you feel bad about yourself instead of good; someone who tends to be critical of you — sometimes in a subtle way and sometimes not so subtle; a friend who drains you emotionally, financially, or mentally, and they’re not very good for you.” says Jenn Berman, PhD, a psychologist.

Yet, ironically we still keep them for whatever reasons and at the same time dissed them so hard. We complained about them all the time. It’s getting more harmful when friends started to back stab each other, criticized, belittle and eventually filled the surrounding with poisonous-negative sense.

The saddest part will always be when we do absolutely nothing about it. Because we know to let a friend know he/she causes us to be angry, frustrated, fooled, pissed off…etc will only cause a bigger problem or ends everything in a war. As a consequence, we harbor on it with similar negative characteristic just like them and becoming a great actor/actress.

“Liar, liar, pants on fire!”

Get to know my toxic friend real person made me felt betrayed and cheated. I realized the trick is simple. He/she being excessively nice to people and by that he/she cultivates trust from people. So whenever you spot something, you indirectly covered up with all those deceptive goodness. There’s no honesty.

Yes, sometimes I bluffed to crack a joke but it’s all about to spend quality time with friends. But his/her bluff is way too far! The fact that he/she not helping or unconstructive was alright with me. However, to call me a retard or idiot just because I refused to follow his/her silly advice in grave issues just unbearable. Why want to impress so hard? As friend we learn to respect our shortcoming, we may help if appropriate, otherwise we zip up and tolerate. We show respect. I admit I’m not that great either. But I know I do my part and show proper effort.

I tried to let him/her to notice/realize, my attempt was futile. His/her mind too much to understand,…one-dimensional?, turn a deaf ear, or worst, turn the table and accused me to be the one with problem. I guess I’m too naïve. I got to call it a quit. Logically, i can’t expect people to change me, so silly me try do it to him/her. After all it is just too complicated to deal with human’s behaviour.

I guess it turns out rather abusive and one sided. Since I discovered all just a jabber I started to back away. Perhaps I should just walk away. At any rate, I have being a ‘good friend’ to him/her enough to put up with all the nonsense for such a long time. I realized everyone needs each others. It’s a big mistake to over-focus on one. It’s a balancing act!

That doesn’t mean I’m acting selfish or hate them. I’m simply start taking care of myself. Personally, I don’t think it’s wise for me to destroy myself for a friend’s sake. Trust me, you can’t afford that too. The stake is high. (I’m not the great, noble or that honourable to do so.) Certainly, I want to get along well with friends, want people to like me but I am responsible to myself.  I’m comfortable with the direction i’m heading now.

“Ultimately, you want to feel good about your friends, not dread their ridicule. You want the right amount of reciprocity of affection and assistance in a friendship. So if you’ve got a friend who is always in need, always in trouble, always wants to talk about her problems, then there isn’t any reciprocity if there isn’t any room for you in the friendship. It doesn’t have to be 50-50 every minute, but overall there should be some kind of balance in which you feel you are getting your needs met, and so is she.” Florence Isaacs, author, Toxic Friends/True Friends, New York City.

We can choose friends but we can’t predict how it turns out. But we can decide how to end it.

“The heart is deceitful above all things. And it is incurable; who can know it?”

Friendships can always being tested.

Having said that, I believe we still have friends that we treasure and worth to be called ‘friend’. Appreciate them while it still last.

Say nothing, do nothing, be nothing

Getting a criticism from others isn’t easy. It brought out lot of anger, frustration and dissatisfaction. First come to mind usually is to defend yourself with hundred of reasons to justify your action or decision. Somebody can appear at a wrong time, at wrong place or otherwise, directly or indirectly criticize you just like that and it can turn out so fast. You know how words can be life affirming or destructive at the same time. A single word can hurt you to your core or crush you to pieces.

I’m not sure why today…guess may be a ‘spilling salt’ day. I literally just received blow after blow from people I knew. Without warning, they just spew out on me crazily as if those guys suffered from mouth-diarrhea. Well, people say criticism is an expression of concerned for you. Maybe. Whatever it is, I have to say, it was unpleasant, sarcastic, provocative, horrifically haunting and damn to me. (Whether if you launching a personal attack, you know the best.) It’s simply a heart broken which made you feel upset, heavy or momentary emptiness.

Alright, nothing to hide…see,  I am not Mr. Superman, strong as steel or ‘bullet-proof monk’. It took me some friggin times (exactly 2 hour 33 minutes) to digest those words and for me to re-consider and re-think (Sorry, I think I keep those f***ing words personal for now).

While I did a workout just now, …‘the first step is to admit in order to move on’ suddenly crossed my mind. There’s some sense if it’s at my fault or if I am disgraceful for my immaturity or inexperience. In this logic, it is necessary. However, if the situation smell overwhelming in that particular moment and it is sheer ‘opportunity’, probably it’s not feasible. Should ask yourself, ‘is this really worth addressing?’ before embark on that course. We have our own timer of how long we want to linger in our little comfort zone. An honest word of criticism from a respectable or trustworthy person can be gold but not simply by anyone, especially those already got you irritated to begin with. Unless and until you got a clear comprehension of the event, nothing else made sense. “Improper criticism consists of nothing but subjective statements.”

I know, I know …this made me sound like a selfish, stubborn, narrow-minded guy…I’m learning and I really think IT’S ALWAYS EASY TO SAY THAN DONE.  I hate to say this, but anyone out there…please lend me a hand.

p/s Congratulations to “40 bloggers who really count.”!


Dear ***

I once believed there’s pure friendship between us. I convinced myself we are ‘safe’ but i have realize that this is extremely difficult to maintain purely because he’s always there for me.  Countless event had dragged us closer than ever and now I’m literally attached to him. I know my boyfriend will not happy with this. Please help me, i’ m confused.

From Ms. ***

Does this sounds familiar? This is one of  a scenario that involved “platonic friendships”. Platonic friendships has been subject to discussion from time to time for a good reason. We actually see it everywhere and it happened anywhere. Platonic friendships are often given a bad reputation to an extent that such thing never exist. The question remains, can this platonic relationships work? How far do you believe it?

The origin traced back to Greek philosopher Plato, in his original sense of term amor platonicus in Symposium‘s dialogue, which the subject matter generally on love or Eros. By modern popularity, platonic relationships is view as relationship between individuals of opposite sex but is deep, non-sexual friendship or was that of a chaste, transcending physical desire towards the pure ideal strong love that believed to elevated above sex.

Despite a beautiful idea, it’s mere utopia to most people because to draw a fine line between platonic friendships and romantic relationships is such a delicate exercise. The task is mammoth liken to find a needle in haystacks. The reason can actually easily explained. In any situation ‘attraction’ is always the main culprit. Generally we are attract to opposite sex and when come to deal with it, usually can be messy. There’s no way to avoid it. We simply attracts to opposite sex. In facts, there is nothing makes a romantic relationship more successful then people started as ‘friend’. A disguise for courtship? You say, strictly platonic? Unlikely.

Any person can easily fall into this trap as a helpless victim. People struggles to prevent platonic friendships move into sex laden love affair. In my view, for a guy to be friend with a girl without a deep emotional attachment may be easier. In the sense that women attached especially when their emotional /physical needs are being met. Well, sometimes man’s ego do save them from trouble. You can wholehearted disagreed or saying that this is not exclusively for women but that’s how it happened to people around me in real life.

The game is always dangerous. Yes, it’s a game. I believe you know what i assumed. When two person come together, spend time together… it creates opportunity or chance. It involved feelings (which is something complex to start with) and it evolved as time goes along. Now, do you want to tell me that you know what you are doing? “We are only best friends. I can’t kiss him/her…eww it’s gross. Or that’s a mistake, we had too much drink the other night. There’s no way. Or i’m a married person…101 justification” Oh, please… check with yourself, honestly. Isn’t he/she always there flow easily as a temptation to seduce you to violate the fine border. Even if you realize, do you not go ahead with the flow? We are humans, we are originally adventurous, searching for excitement and thrill. We seek companion. We hate loneliness. We approved someone that appreciate us. Think about it, now your best friend is always available, isn’t that convenient? Add to the fact, flirting come handy to some people. Trust me, you are not going to kill the mood. You can lie to me but you can’t run from your honest feeling. It’s a time bomb that going to explode anytime!

This reminds me of *Miss Manners (you know who you are. I quote your words!). She says, “in the proper world, romance is supposed to develop out of friendship. A gentleman and a lady both pretend that they are cultivating each other for common interests, shared humor, or whatever — and then they both act surprised when passion strikes them like lightning. This shock is considered exciting by proper ladies and gentlemen, who regard instant matings, based on the idea that we all have standard parts that may be fitted together interchangeably, to be dull as well as distasteful. You will find that rejection by a friend who does not become a lover is less painful than rejection by a lover who does not want to go on to become a friend.”

Atlas, what can you do? Can men and women truly be just friends? Still…the odds are very slim. Women has her fantasy, most men feel attraction sooner than he realized. Honestly, i’m not sure either. A close friend (Mr. Capitalist) say to me once, “I think eventually one person gets their feelings hurt bad enough that they move on from the friendship. In my experience you are never really friends in that scenario, you are two people who physically want/need to be together but cannot figure out how to make it work. You spend time, you flirt, you try to tempt, and you care, but you aren’t really friends. Be careful, it usually leads to heartache for one or both of you. That’s why i NEVER believe in PLATONIC FRIENDSHIPS.”

Some suggested that romantic confusion can be avoided as long as both friends communicate honestly in order to avoid future discomfort. If  your partner involved such as  feel jealous, you may want to ‘explain clearly’ to her as he/she may not understand the nature of the platonic friendship and that jealousy could ruin the romantic relationship.

Well, maybe honesty may work but…’explanation’? to your partner doesn’t sound convincing. Jealousy is like cancer and …one of the seven sins,  after all.

I suggest you always keep yourself check. Anytime there’s situation, shoot yourself down! No more linger around time-bomb! Don’t say i don’t warn.


What are we? What’s the meaning of life? What am I living for? What’s the value of life? All these questions constitute a philosophical subject matter on the purpose and significant of our existence. It’s deeply seek since ancient and was try to explain in various concepts such as religious, philosophical and even in modern science. The perception of life is shown through writing, painting, poem, story or photograph. Past, present and future, all have been searching to fill the void in life. The seeking process is ongoing until today. Each of us have different value, opinions and belief on the question itself but what’s matter is that how it influence others and myself. At one point in our life we will eventually give a serious thought on it.

It is definitely a very vast topic to be discussed… in this society we are taught to satisfy our physical and emotional wants and desire in order to achieve happiness. Some view happiness as temporary, some pursue materialistic goal, some view life a continuous moving circle, some may feel contain with life but mostly not and it is on and on…

I am blessed for one thing that since young I was being taught to value the preciousness of life. However, nothing seems to be simple in this complicated world i lived. Isn’t it be good if I can be pure and simple as a guileless child. The fact that we grow and we can’t escape from facing reality is such a cruelty. At some point, I feel I am about to give up. But I know the play hasn’t end yet although I don’t know what’s next.  One thing I learn, there is always need in life but to live a meaningful life, one has to see beyond something mere material because we are born with soul.

King Solomon, the wise and just, who have everything under the sun, wrote in the book of Ecclesiastes concludes “all is vanity”.  Some people think that he was rather pessimistic. But the fact that it required lifetime’s experience for one to appreciate or one time priceless encounter for such enlightenment but unfortunately there will be people will never understand. This does not mean we should give up. Now, this reminds me of someone who always says to me; “To think optimistic is the only way. Failure is not an option.” [My life faced with countless breakdown lately. Depressing…]

The fact that we still live in this reality hard-rock world. We are given chance to seek the real satisfaction in life. “Ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you shall find; knock and it shall be opened to you.” I want to believe this.

Kendall Warner in his poetic expression on Perceptions of Life;

From our experience, we learn lessons.

By sharing life’s lessons, we influence lives.

By touching lives, we appreciate our existence.

It's always reflecting like a mirror yet illusive and mere a droplet.