I once believed there’s pure friendship between us. I convinced myself we are ‘safe’ but i have realize that this is extremely difficult to maintain purely because he’s always there for me. Countless event had dragged us closer than ever and now I’m literally attached to him. I know my boyfriend will not happy with this. Please help me, i’ m confused.
From Ms. ***
Does this sounds familiar? This is one of a scenario that involved “platonic friendships”. Platonic friendships has been subject to discussion from time to time for a good reason. We actually see it everywhere and it happened anywhere. Platonic friendships are often given a bad reputation to an extent that such thing never exist. The question remains, can this platonic relationships work? How far do you believe it?
The origin traced back to Greek philosopher Plato, in his original sense of term amor platonicus in Symposium‘s dialogue, which the subject matter generally on love or Eros. By modern popularity, platonic relationships is view as relationship between individuals of opposite sex but is deep, non-sexual friendship or was that of a chaste, transcending physical desire towards the pure ideal strong love that believed to elevated above sex.
Despite a beautiful idea, it’s mere utopia to most people because to draw a fine line between platonic friendships and romantic relationships is such a delicate exercise. The task is mammoth liken to find a needle in haystacks. The reason can actually easily explained. In any situation ‘attraction’ is always the main culprit. Generally we are attract to opposite sex and when come to deal with it, usually can be messy. There’s no way to avoid it. We simply attracts to opposite sex. In facts, there is nothing makes a romantic relationship more successful then people started as ‘friend’. A disguise for courtship? You say, strictly platonic? Unlikely.
Any person can easily fall into this trap as a helpless victim. People struggles to prevent platonic friendships move into sex laden love affair. In my view, for a guy to be friend with a girl without a deep emotional attachment may be easier. In the sense that women attached especially when their emotional /physical needs are being met. Well, sometimes man’s ego do save them from trouble. You can wholehearted disagreed or saying that this is not exclusively for women but that’s how it happened to people around me in real life.
The game is always dangerous. Yes, it’s a game. I believe you know what i assumed. When two person come together, spend time together… it creates opportunity or chance. It involved feelings (which is something complex to start with) and it evolved as time goes along. Now, do you want to tell me that you know what you are doing? “We are only best friends. I can’t kiss him/her…eww it’s gross. Or that’s a mistake, we had too much drink the other night. There’s no way. Or i’m a married person…101 justification” Oh, please… check with yourself, honestly. Isn’t he/she always there flow easily as a temptation to seduce you to violate the fine border. Even if you realize, do you not go ahead with the flow? We are humans, we are originally adventurous, searching for excitement and thrill. We seek companion. We hate loneliness. We approved someone that appreciate us. Think about it, now your best friend is always available, isn’t that convenient? Add to the fact, flirting come handy to some people. Trust me, you are not going to kill the mood. You can lie to me but you can’t run from your honest feeling. It’s a time bomb that going to explode anytime!
This reminds me of *Miss Manners (you know who you are. I quote your words!). She says, “in the proper world, romance is supposed to develop out of friendship. A gentleman and a lady both pretend that they are cultivating each other for common interests, shared humor, or whatever — and then they both act surprised when passion strikes them like lightning. This shock is considered exciting by proper ladies and gentlemen, who regard instant matings, based on the idea that we all have standard parts that may be fitted together interchangeably, to be dull as well as distasteful. You will find that rejection by a friend who does not become a lover is less painful than rejection by a lover who does not want to go on to become a friend.”
Atlas, what can you do? Can men and women truly be just friends? Still…the odds are very slim. Women has her fantasy, most men feel attraction sooner than he realized. Honestly, i’m not sure either. A close friend (Mr. Capitalist) say to me once, “I think eventually one person gets their feelings hurt bad enough that they move on from the friendship. In my experience you are never really friends in that scenario, you are two people who physically want/need to be together but cannot figure out how to make it work. You spend time, you flirt, you try to tempt, and you care, but you aren’t really friends. Be careful, it usually leads to heartache for one or both of you. That’s why i NEVER believe in PLATONIC FRIENDSHIPS.”
Some suggested that romantic confusion can be avoided as long as both friends communicate honestly in order to avoid future discomfort. If your partner involved such as feel jealous, you may want to ‘explain clearly’ to her as he/she may not understand the nature of the platonic friendship and that jealousy could ruin the romantic relationship.
Well, maybe honesty may work but…’explanation’? to your partner doesn’t sound convincing. Jealousy is like cancer and …one of the seven sins, after all.
I suggest you always keep yourself check. Anytime there’s situation, shoot yourself down! No more linger around time-bomb! Don’t say i don’t warn.