Sufficient but it need not be adequate


At this juncture, I felt things change a lot. Things like autonomy, social rank, social circle and money. Welcome to my transition period of a college bump into working adult class. Who I am? Basically, I am nobody. I am officially a member of ‘city-poverty’.

Friends started working and everyone leads own busy life. Some lucky to earn big money and many merely average and I’m sorry to those who continue contributing to unemployment statistic. Live become unexpectedly more realistic and materialistic (face palm). Most of things, start with $ and end with $$. No matter how slight it involved with you, can’t deny money play such major role. The point is, how ‘much’ is that to be ‘enough’? How many digits?

When I’m 17, I thought to myself, I promised that I will never see money as problem in the future. But as time goes by and I start to live in the city, I feel the need and feel the pressure to earn ‘big money’. People sometimes say, ‘college kid nowadays pretty rich.’ That is actually holds some truth in it. College life was indeed way more fun, not really any commitment and all I got to do was study and party.  I remember I used to splash a lot on drinks, good foods and travel. Now think about it, I did stroll through that luxury! If I knew, I would have made enough saving for now! (I never regret I have great college life and great friends) Alright, maybe few factors to consider, like inflation and unhealthy economic situation does give a toll.

But honestly, ‘country I live’ during this period of downturn doesn’t really hurt much since it’s already in bad shape. All I see was the opportunity seized by brutal government to squeeze more money out from the poor. The rich remains in good life. The middle working class downgraded to poor and already poor slump into dirt. That’s dreadful. Reality, beneath the so called ‘soft-capitalism’ mask was controlled by an iron-clad, dictator-fool puppet master. I’m actually feel like I’m living in a socialist country, although everyone still try to believe this is a capitalist world. (Please take no offence to any affected people.)It’s rather frustrating to know the government ‘seriously’ managed nation’s wealth as if playing some SIM’s game! “YOU CAN’T save or restart!” Ok, can’t utter more. We have very limited freedom of speech here.

Last year, I officially got my first ‘real’ proper job. Like most post-grad, it’s time to pay student loan, find a better living …etc. The one thing that I really hate was they demanded me to pay the loan way before I end the whole thing! Can’t they just wait, at least six months later after my graduation? Obvious breach of terms… But, I’m too lazy to argue or file a complaint. In the end i still need to pay what I owed, no matter how I try.

Live never remain the same. I experienced how the poor live their life, however I’m still considered lucky because I got proper shelter (a cheap rental with moderate space), survive without starving and a car to drive to work (i don’t care if it’s a rubbish car). While I must say I am pretty upset that I left only with a very small window to entertainment. Every time when dealing with money there is only a word nail in my mind: CAUTIOUS. I wish I can spend happily just like that. Ok, at least, dream is for FREE. That’s enough to slap me a smile.

‘Poverty stole your golden shoes it didn’t steal your laughter.’

I don’t intend to compare whose life sucker. If really, many are more unfortunate then me. In fact, think I actually have a good sufficient life even though not ‘damn GOOD!’ Sufficient but it need not be adequate?

Is that enough? Maybe it’s true, by human nature there will never be enough. The more we earn the more we spend. The excess all turn into ‘desire’ rather than need and necessity.

“I work all night, I work all day, to pay the bills, I have to pay, ain’t it sad? And there never seems to be a single penny left for me, that’s too bad… Money, money, money, it’s a rich man’s world?”

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SUNDAY

Dearest Sunday,

Look at you today,

Charming and sunny,

Do you just shine for me?

Smile across for the day,

And it is all breezy,

Swing around just you and me,

And I love you so, Sunday.

@^%$# Monday!

Today, 19 July 2010 is MONDAY! When I say I hate Monday, sometimes I really meant it. There’s always a reason for that. When I wish for a better one… am always disappointed.

Morning was cold and good to sleep. But i got to wake up because there’s an exam at 9 am. Reluctant and forcefully i got myself awake. Since then I suffered from… a stupid stomach discomfort. Some sort of symptom? Guess that probably an irreversible bowel.  Just bit of worried that it can be diarrhea. (As long as it’s not some sort of ‘mess’, I’m alright.) Anyhow, thanks God! that it stopped an hour before my exam started.

Then…moment of truth,“ I felt shit over the paper.”  It’s not that I shitted on the exam hall or I shitted on the paper (I should have do that!!) Well, most things I read didn’t come out. My prediction suxxx (no, I ain’t Mr. Paul, the Krake/ pulpo). I have no choice but to think creatively and think really hard for solution. Every second was like waiting the bomb to explode. But i decided to struggle till the end. Really, I can’t stand the pressure of being a dumb in the exam hall. It’s cold and sick. Everyone was like zombie around me!

Mostly look distress and restless and some just sit there motionless. But then I saw a minority look pretty smooth. They seem to understand everything on the paper. Pretty much scared me with their non-stop writing attitude. I started to think, what do they eat or what they do to be so brilliant? Maybe they feed on lot of healthy food like fish head or supplement – DHA/ EPA Omega-3 or Gingko biloba. They must have study really hard. (BUT I’M NOT EXCEPTION). Whatever it was, I just feel bad for today. It’s beyond my count how much I swear just to make me sound like a son of vulgar. (God, please forgive me. I shall confess to you over my sins.)

Alright,  I can’t do anything but a good rest. I’m drained and tired. All I can do is waiting for better next hours and wait for the result which will be released 2 months later.

Heck it! OK now, I decide to forget my complaints. Put away my sad face and be cheerful.

Whoever read this-Say CHEESE! XD Please smile for me. It’s warm to know someone  smile to you at opposite. I heard smile is contagious!

Thanks Jingle!

Date: 11 July 2010.

Counting-until 10 days later…

** 7 days laterzzzzzzzzz! =14 July 2010

21st July 2010 = officially checked 16:38 out of quarantine!