Today I decided to stand straight like a real man walk out of my previous nightmare of bad relationship that haunted me for years.
I saw “L” last week on her first day reported for work. First glance, I presumed she’s a well carried girl. Dress well, look smart. So this morning, I saw her at the entrance. A morning greeting only got her to nod and walk away. Cold? Sigh~ What a respond.
Here comes Kusni, my beloved colleague. She wears a pair of nice brown pants. I think she deserved a compliment. So I did and can see she’s happy. Then continue to remarks on how L dresses well today too. Suddenly, Kusni just pour out, “why don’t you ask her for lunch later? Isn’t that she’s new here and I’m sure she doesn’t mind.”
Alright, I think it’s not a bad idea. Maybe I should ask her. There’s nothing senseless here. But…she’s sitting directly opposite boss. I do need a good plan for this.
Ah, found one! I will print some paper at the printer which located besides her and walk over to collect it. While collecting them I will ‘casually’ talk to her and ask her out. Sound good! I think it’s damn good.
So I proceed with the plan. It went smoothly until I’m about 3 foot besides her cubicle. Damn, I’m jammed! I became indecisive. Should I talk to her or should I not…Am I look odd by suddenly talk to her. I need to roOOOllllLLL~! ~ . ~ . ~
Alas, I return to my sit with my collected paper feeling like a loser. I zombie to Kusni.
“I don’t talk to her. I feel as if my balls drop. Even then my steps are heavier, as if there’s 100 kg attached to both of my legs. I’m not going to be crazy.”
“Stop being a puss**. You got no d**k and b***s man! There’s nothing to worry about. It’s normal. Go Will, Go! I know you can do it!”
And so, I’m back to square 1 on the drawing board. I hate this. I’m cautious because of environment (it’s in the office!) and everyone is observant plus the politic-sulfur smell really heavy here. Gotta becareful. I should thanks Kusni though. She did give me a nice, good, short ‘Do YOU know” lecture and I got my gut back.
“NO GUTS, NO GLORY! YEAH!”
After a long thought, ok the same procedure and same steps apply (printing and walk over to collect- I know this lame but…IT WORKS ok.) This time, I stood besides her and I’m no kidding, I feel like a gladiator thrown into a lion den fighting it. I can feel time and space freeze temporarily.
Me: “Hi. Nice to meet you L”
L: Yes, hi. May I help you? [She has a cold look. Looking hard at me as if there’s something important.]
Me: Ah, nothing major. Just to ask…[pause]… how’s work?
L: I’m ok but kind of busy.
Me: Alright, I’m just wondering if you would like to join me for a lunch…[smile]…later?
L: Oh, don’t worry. I’m ok. By the way, may I know what’s your name?
Me: I’m W—-. Ok. Maybe, hmmm…next time? See you.
L: Maybe…See you (slightly). [As I walk away]
NOT a rejection. She probably brings her own lunch or she might out with other colleagues. I see the ‘next time’ actually a open window for me. I’m optimistic about it. So, let’s just watch and see. It’s a good practice after all. I need to rebound.
***many hours later***
I’m definitely NOT fine now. By chance, we are all alone at the office’s pantry. She’s cleaning her cup while I am filling water in my cup. I know this is it. Talk or lose it. My instinct tells me that I should at least greet her with a simple hi …but BUT I end up WALK AWAY and return to my tired cubicle. THAT SO NOT COOL!
“I can do much better than this, right? I”m going to drown myself now. Wake me up when September ends.”